I had an epiphany today while I was walking home this evening. I was clutching a plastic bag in my now sweaty hand and was heading towards the stairs that lead to faculty housing. I'd picked up the bag because of my somewhat obsessive need to dispose of litter, but that's really beside the point.
As I clutched this filthy, crackling piece of plastic, I thought, "God really does love me." I don't know why I had the thought at this moment, but this was not the epiphany. It came a moment later when I realized I wasn't all that thrilled by the concept. Sure, it's great and all, but, big deal.
I was shocked. But I don't think I should have been. As Christians, especially those of us who can trace a faith tradition back many generations, we grow up enveloped with the idea that God is love. So it's no big deal, it's part of the way we see the world, the natural order of things.
This isn't good, but I'm not sure how to fix it. I don't want to be bored by the idea of a universal eternal being loving me; I want that thought to trigger emotions that I can't name.
I will say this, artists like Sarah Masen, Pedro the Lion, and (especially as of late) mewithoutYou and Psalters, have given me a glimpse, a taste of that inexpressible something. Now this isn't just a plug for these artists--though I would recommend them quickly for anyone looking for Christian music that's breaking boundaries--I just want to know what it is about them, what they say, how they sound, that can push buttons within me that only a very few people (mostly authors) have been able to do in the past?
How do we get over our somewhat bored feelings about God's love and rediscover the Philos and Agape of YHWH?
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Lightbulb Moment
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2 comments:
I guess for me its just simply reflecting. I mean my life wasnt horrible but it wasnt the best and it isnt perfect now, but it is considerably better. Whenever that cosses my mind it creates such a clear understanding and feeling that i cannot explain that grace coupled with love is a beautiful thing from God.
I have heard God loves me all my life. I thought well that's nice but I didn't care that much until I needed it. Here one of many examples, I was in a classroom one time and the other people in the room would not even sit next to me. I was literally surrounded by four empty chairs. One girl sitting with her friend laughed at me for being all by myself. The only thing that kept me from bursting into tears and giving them more reason to criticize me was that I knew my Guardian Angel was sitting with me. In that moment my lack of confidence melted away. They still made fun of me but to me they felt small.
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