When I was nine years old, I expressed some anger I had felt to my mother. In response, she offhandedly replied that these particular emotions were somehow caused by Satan. I remember being really angered by that answer. My mother is not the type to just toss out common Christian banalities and so her remark took me off guard. I felt that the comment careless and fairly illogical based on the situation. It was a bit out of character for her, but at nine, I didn't have the verbal skills to even begin to express what I felt, and I knew it, so I let it go.
So, 13 years later, I brought it up again, trying to figure out why she said it. I think the conclusion we reached was that she just hadn't been listening, and had just tossed an answer thoughtlessly. I can deal with that. But the conversation we had leading up to that conclusion was just as troubling as that conversation when I was nine. Maybe it's because I have a lot of friends who don't associate themselves with a religious community but I cringe when people say "The Devil this, Satan that..." I'm a huge fan of my parents, but I have a problem with life being simplified and divided between two categories into which everything must be sorted. I see the world in hues of gray.
I feel the profound frustration of the moderate Christian. My parents are by no means extremist, but they do see the world with greater contrast than I. But I choose to continue to see the world as a extremely complex mesh. I don't want to be so simplistic as to categorize everything...but is this the inexperience of youth? Do we who stand in this position choose to avoid confusion with the unwavering belief that in the end, there are only two sides, nothing is neutral? Is this the wiser choice? Or do we decide to believe that while there is good and evil, we choose to accept the confusion that comes with the gray patches and spend our lives exploring the overlap?
Sunday, April 29, 2007
The Devil Made Me Do It*
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1 comment:
Interesting that you use contrast to describe the difference in the way you view world. Ok, here's my second comment. Since, I have been here, I have had to work and live with people from several very different cultures and backgrounds (Finish, China, Iceland, Denmark, Norway). I have notice that we say stupid things and get misunderstood by the others. But we are just doing are best and sometimes the most brilliant answer just doesn't come to mind. I tend to be kind of reflective and take it all in before I jump into action or answer a question. The reason I am like that is because I want to think before I speak or act and when I don't stupid things come out. Here’s an example, (this is just an example, it may not pertain to your situation). A mother could be doing laundry, fixing dinner, tired, under pressure, and at the same time trying to be a good mother by listening to her son, so that he will not feel blown off and give him an intelligent answer, you know mulit-tasking kind of like this run on sentence. I try to see situations from the other person’s point of view tends to calm ruffled feathers and grease the wheels of communication. Sorry this is so long.
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